Stop Trying to Impress & Start Trying to Connect

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If you want people to trust you, stop trying to impress them.

I learned this the hard way from Broadway to boardrooms. When I walked into rooms trying to prove myself, I left disconnected. When I walked in asking, “How can I serve here?”, everything changed. People don’t connect to polished; they connect to presence.

Why Trying to Impress Often Fails

When you try to impress, your attention shifts inward. You start asking yourself questions like:

• How do I look?

• Do they like me?

• Am I saying the right thing?

This self-focus tightens your voice and filters your message. Instead of speaking freely, you hold back, worried about judgment. The audience senses this distance. They feel the gap between polished performance and authentic presence.

For example, imagine a speaker who rehearses every word perfectly but avoids eye contact. The audience might admire the skill, but won’t feel engaged. Contrast that with someone who speaks simply and openly, making eye contact and listening. The connection is immediate and lasting.

Connection Over Performance: A Simple Framework

Building genuine connection starts with shifting your mindset from impressing to serving. Here’s a straightforward framework to help you bring presence into any conversation or meeting:

Clarify Your Intention

Decide on one clear outcome for the conversation. For example, “The goal is to understand your challenges better so we can find solutions together.” This focus keeps you grounded and purposeful.

Own Who You Are

Be honest about your strengths and areas for growth. Don’t pretend to be perfect. Authenticity invites trust. If you’re unsure about something, say so. People appreciate honesty more than a rehearsed act.

Name the Benefit

Explain what the other person gains from the conversation. Instead of focusing on what you want, highlight their needs. For example, “By working together, you’ll get support that makes your project easier.”

Be Present

Put your phone away, slow your breath, and lift your eyes to meet others. Presence means fully showing up, not just physically but emotionally and mentally.

Empathize

Listen actively and reflect on what you hear. This shows you value their perspective. For instance, “It sounds like you’re feeling overwhelmed with deadlines.”

Chunk Your Message

Break your points into clear, simple paragraphs or ideas. One idea per paragraph helps others follow your message without feeling overwhelmed.

Thank and Ask

Close with gratitude and a clear call to action. For example, “Thank you for sharing your thoughts. What’s the next step you’d like to take?”

Being fully present in a conversation builds trust and connection

How to Practice Presence in Your Next Meeting

Try starting your next meeting with a clear statement like, “Here’s the goal for this conversation, and how it helps us.” Then listen carefully. Notice how people lean in when they feel seen and safe. This simple shift invites openness and collaboration.

For example, a team leader might say, “Today, I want us to focus on solving the client’s main issue so we can deliver better results.” This sets a shared purpose and encourages everyone to contribute without fear of judgment.

Why Presence Lasts Longer Than Polish

Polished can impress for a moment. It might get you nods or applause. But presence creates a connection that lasts. When people feel truly seen and heard, they remember you. They trust you. They want to work with you again.

Imagine two colleagues: one always trying to impress with fancy words and perfect slides, the other who listens deeply and responds honestly. Over time, the second colleague builds stronger relationships and influence.

Creating a calm space supports being present and focused during conversations

Final Thoughts

Presence is a choice. It means showing up as your authentic self, focused on connection rather than performance. When you stop trying to impress and start asking, “How can I serve here?”, everything changes. People respond to presence because it feels safe and genuine.

Next time you enter a room, remember: polished might catch attention, but presence builds trust. Choose the one that lasts.

With Love,

Renée Marino

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